MYSTERY DINING with recipe

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Ahhh yes! Just as you start to believe this blog is only good for guiding you towards paying $$$ to worthy establishments, Cooking with Mystery Chef is back for volume 2! This series gives you the tools to delight / disgust your guests, depending on your skill levels and the desirability of guests.

Elegant Accompaniment for Booze


You may believe this is a bread and cheese board, but you'd be wrong. What this arrangement actually depicts is an elegantly arranged, sneaky method of fooling yourself, your guests and Instagram friends into believing it is acceptable to consume alcohol while the sun's still out, and that you absolutely do not have deep-seated emotional issues.

Method:
1. Put together expensive imported cheese, nice crackers / bread, extra virgin olive oil, Zataar and similar items on a plate.
2. Open booze of choice. Artfully arrange photograph so that the cheese and bread plate takes centre-frame, creating the illusion that they are what you are gathering for.
3. Keep refilling glasses. Nobody needs to know because the above picture is all Instagram will ever see.

 Dante's Chicken 


Method:
1. Embarrass chicken by ripping off its packaging in the same manner shitty Mills and Boon authors describe on approximately pg 25 of their 120 page-long 'novels'.
2. Wash and discipline chicken with paper towels. 
3. Draw-and-quarter chicken carcass. You may wish to refer to Games of Thrones for this step.
4. Disturb the unity and integrity of Spanish onions and waxy potatoes.
5. Excite olives, garlic, capers and rosemary (the herb, not same-named ladies).
6. Splish-splash olive oil, balsamic vinegar and brown sugar.  
7. Send to the depth of hell for several hours until  chicken is cooked and Tender as the Night.

Enjoy.

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