High Tea at National Gallery of Victoria

This is possibly the oddest review I have ever done, and will ever do, for one big reason: I only had a bite of the entire depressing affair. However, the smell, the look, the taste of that single bite and the unsolicited additional hair that came served with the bite was enough to inform me.

I had been extremely excited for the high tea at the National Gallery of Victoria (which has an impressive collection so it's well worth the visit), especially since they claimed to be serving a special set of high tea 'inspired by Andy Warhol and Ai Wei Wei'.

Behold. I'm not quite sure what's Warhol-y or Ai-y about this beige affair.

Huh??? Avant-garde? 

First, all the teas served have exotic names - except they are simply T2 blends (I recognise every single blend). This is not good enough for an expensive high tea establishment.

Now, let's move onto the only acceptable part of the tea: the scones. Then again, how hard would be be to screw up scones? I will just say that at least these were lukewarm.

lukewarm scones

There is a side dish, apart from the 3 tiers, which seem to hold a number of Asian-style fares in a stone cold duck pancake (anyone who has ever had duck pancake will know the coldness will render the dish near-inedible), an equally cold mini bun; and some Western-style dare in an oily, cold quiche, and a little bagel. I didn't touch any of these because I didn't have an opportunity to. I shall come to that in a minute.

East meets West? Is that the idea?

The petit-fours and the sweets ought to be the most exciting part of a high tea. Think the magical Alice in Wonderland themed concoctions at the Westin, for example - but oh no, no such luck at NGV. You get presented with a plate of beige, pale, wilting looking baked goods usually found at a dingy corner bakery served by an indifferent, sad attendant.

Sad local bakery fare?

Now to the piece de resistance, the reason why I did not end up eating this depressing affair: the sandwiches. The bread was stale, that much was clear - they were not fluffy, but damp and stone cold, it's clear that they have sat in the refrigerator for at least the entire morning. The single bite I took - of curried chicken - had an awful acidic tang. It was as though the spices weren't heated properly to release their aroma, but was only added after the meat had been cooked so that they have not lost their raw, tart tang.

Then I found a hair. In my $70 high tea. Upon my first bite into it.

Refrigerated sandwiches. Complimentary hair included. 

I had to turn this high tea back after taking one bite. It was unacceptable, especially when I compare this affair to other high teas of similar price, which are 100 times superior. The staff were understanding and polite, accepting my decision without fuss - one point in NGV's favour. Perhaps because they realised it's not OK to charge patrons $70 for food of this quality with a hair inside.

Score: 0.5 / 5. Mainly for the staff's politeness.
Cost: $69pp (includes a glass of sparkling wine). Yep.
Address: Lv 1, National Gallery of Victoria International, Melbourne
Website: https://www.ngv.vic.gov.au/visit/dining/#tea-room
Check out the beautiful picture on that website and compare that to my first picture. Talk about a reality check.